


Kids

by Counting_the_stars



Category: 1D - Fandom, Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Adopted Children, Can't have children, Children, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Happy, Harry Styles - Freeform, Harry Styles Fluff, Just being a champ, Kids, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, One Shot, POV Second Person, Pregnancy, Sad, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 17:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14169930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Counting_the_stars/pseuds/Counting_the_stars





	Kids

For as long as you could remember Harry had talked about how much he wanted kids. His heart melted each time he spent time with your nieces and nephews and he would talk about how much he loved them for weeks after. You hadn’t meant to get into a relationship with Harry. You’d been friends for years, your parents were friends and you spent school holidays mostly inseparable. You’d grown up with each other, from your awkward puberty stages through to him leaving home far too early and becoming internationally known. You couldn’t really pinpoint when you got together into something more than friends. Your work allowed you to travel a fair bit, which happened to coincide quite well with his tour dates, and you caught up whenever you could. Then your office based you back in London for six months when he started his year long hiatus. You had dinner a couple of times, maybe a few too many wines before you slept together. Waking up with a massive hang over and a man in your bed wasn’t how you thought you would spend your Sunday, but there you were. You thought that it was a mistake, you didn’t want your friendship to change but after this happening three more times, one of those times you both were completely sober, things had shifted. Harry’s things were in your tiny apartment, even though he had his much larger apartment not even fifteen minutes away.

Before you knew it, it had been six months and your office was moving you to L.A. Harry was ecstatic. You knew how much he loved L.A and taking you with him seemed like a dream come true. You didn’t think that this would be something serious, your work was unpredictable, not to mention when he went back on tour again. But here you were. You’d been together a little over a year, somehow making it work. When he got time off he would fly to wherever you were and you would do the same. A friendship that had started as five year olds was now a serious relationship 18years later.

You and Harry had spoken about the future a few times, nothing serious, you always saw it as playing pretend, just like you did when you were kids. When Harry started talking about the family that he wanted, you always got nervous. The way that Harry spoke about that part of his future it sounded like a deal breaker and you knew that if it was something that he needed in his life you would need to break it off with him, and soon.

You were happy with Harry, so incredibly happy and you wanted a family as well, but you knew that you just couldn’t give him what he wanted. You would much prefer your heart being broken than his forever when you couldn’t give him everything that he wanted. You loved him, wholly and fully, you loved him, but you knew that you weren’t enough.

You came home from work exhausted, the L.A heat was killing you and at seven pm when you walked through the door of Harry’s extravagant house and it was still boiling outside you fantasized about the snow back in London.

“You ok baby?” Harry asked, sitting at the counter in the kitchen hunched over his laptop, something cooking on the stove top.

“It’s so hot.” You groaned, dropping your bag on the ground and hugging him from behind. He was looking at real estate, at that moment he was focused on a house back in London with four bedrooms.

“What are you doing?” You asked kissing him on the neck briefly before going to see what he was cooking.

“Just looking at houses back home. You know for the future.” He said absentmindedly, his eyes focused on the screen in front of him.

“What do you mean?” You asked as you put the lid back on the lid of boiling pasta.

“You know, when we want to have a permanent house. Like a base for the kids and things.” He said looking up at you and grinning. You smiled a tight smile at him and the pang in your stomach flashed at yet another mention of kids.

“How long till dinner?” You asked casually trying to change the subject.

“Not too long.” Harry answered with a strange look on his face, like he knew what you were doing.

“Do I have time for a shower?” You asked, choosing to ignore the look.

“Probably not.” Harry shrugged. “Come look at this place.”

“I’m… erm… just going to freshen up.” You said quickly, a smile ghosting past your lips as you moved past him.

Harry gave you another odd look before shrugging it off and clicking at something else on his computer.

You took a moment to look over your reflection in the mirror in the bathroom. You had no idea that Harry was so serious about your future that he would start looking at houses to live in. How were you meant to tell him that you couldn’t give him what he wanted, you couldn’t be the person he needed? How were you meant to break your own heart and leave him to someone that could give him everything? It had been over a year and you just found yourself falling more and more in love with him. You didn’t want to end it but you knew that you had to. You saw the look in his eyes when he was around children and that was something that you could never give him. You should have been clear with him when things were turning serious, but you were just so in love with him, that you didn’t want to stop. Harry called your name from the kitchen, announcing that dinner was ready and snapped you out of your thoughts. You washed your hands quickly and splashed some water on your neck trying to cool down your heated skin. You had to talk to him. You had to end it but first you needed to build up the courage.

Harry was still sitting at the counter when you walked back into the kitchen, however instead of a laptop in front of him, there was a bowl of food.

“Dinners ready.” He said sweetly as you sat down next to him.

“Thank you lovely.” You said kissing him quickly before you started to eat.

“How was work?” Harry asked as you ate.

“It was ok.” You answered with your mouthful. “Busy I guess.”

“What happened?” Harry could always tell when you glossed over how hectic your work was. You tried to keep it separate but Harry had always been extremely good at reading you.

“Urgh.” You groaned as you put down your fork. “It’s just this new Manager that they got in. He’s not in my department and thank goodness for that. He’s just totally incompetent. He’s not in my department and I shouldn’t have anything to do with him and yet I do. He makes it so that I have to help him.” Once you started ranting about your day at work, you couldn’t stop. “He just has terrible time management, he doesn’t take responsibility for any of the fuck ups that he’s done and no matter how many times I try and train him on something as soon as someone asks him he says ‘oh I haven’t been trained on that’.” You took a drink of the wine that Harry had poured for you.

“So why do you have to train him?” Harry asked as he listened to you patiently.

“Because I’m apparently the only person in the company that knows how to do anything.” You said rolling your eyes sarcastically.

“I’m sorry it’s been hard lately baby.” Harry said kindly.

“Thank you for always listening to me complain.” You smiled at Harry before you started to eat again.

“I love you baby. It’s not a chore to listen to you.” Harry returned the smile. “Just think, when we have kids you get to have time off work.” He said happily.

“Yeah.” You said half-heartedly pushing some of the remaining pasta around your bowl. “I think they are moving me back to London soon.” You said quietly.

“What?” Harry asked surprised.

“Yeah. There’s nothing official yet, but we were talking about it in a meeting the other day.” You tried to shrug like it wasn’t a big deal, but you didn’t know how Harry would handle it. He loved that you’d been based in L.A for so long.

“That’s fantastic!” Harry said enthusiastically, surprising you.

“Oh?” You said clearly startled.

“That’s our home base.” Harry said excitedly.

“What do you mean?” You asked carefully.

“For our kids. If you can stay their permanently then we’re sorted. The houses that I was looking at, we can have a look next time we are home.” Harry sounded so excited and you couldn’t bear to ruin that.

“I don’t know if it’s happening yet. It just came up the other day.” You said slowly.

“But it will happen one day.” Harry replied happily before taking a long drink of his wine.

“But you’re going to be touring, you won’t be home.” You said desperately looking for another excuse of why his idea wouldn’t work.

“Trust me baby, the moment we get pregnant I’m not going anywhere.” Harry said smiling at you, the dimples set deep into his cheeks. You sighed heavily before standing up from the counter and taking your plate to the sink.

“Where are you going?” Harry asked concerned.

“Just tired. I’m going to go have a shower.” You tried to smile at him like everything was ok but it didn’t reach your eyes.

“You ok?” Harry asked as you started to walk out of the kitchen.

“Fine.” You replied as you past him.

You stood in the shower, defeated. The hot water burnt on the back of your neck as you began to cry. You had to end this. Harry already had these ideas of how your life would go together, all of them with the children that you would have together. You’d lived in the fantasy for too long and now you had to give it all up so that Harry would be happy. You’d never thought that you would be here. Living with Harry, loving him as deeply as you did. You knew that you would always be friends with him, but you never saw love like this in the equation. Now you had to break it all so that he could be happy. You didn’t care if it broke your heart, you didn’t care if it wasn’t what you wanted; you just needed Harry to be happy. He’d given you a wonderful year together, and now it was time for you to face your reality. It was time for you to go your separate ways. What were you meant to say to him? How were you meant to leave? Your tears blended with the water from the shower and you let them wash away. You were crying for yourself. You’d been selfish for far too long and now it was time to let Harry go.

You were surprised to see Harry sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for you when you exited the bathroom in your towel.

“Oh. Hi.” You said smiling at him, ignoring the fact that you’d just been crying in the shower over what was to come.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked with nothing but concern in his voice as he cut straight to the point.

“Nothing.” You lied. “Why?” You turned to your chest of drawers taking out some underwear and sleeping clothes.

“You can tell me anything you know.” Harry said carefully. You heard the creak of the bed as he stood up.

“I know.” You turned around threw the clothes on the bed where Harry had been sitting moments before.

Harry was watching you carefully, clearly not believing anything you were saying.

“So tell me what’s wrong.” He pressed again, this time reaching out and holding you still.

“It’s nothing really.” You said again trying to sounds convincing.

“Is it work stuff? Do you need some time off?” Harry suggested. The love and concern in his eyes was almost enough for you to break. Instead you latched onto his suggestion.

“Yes. It’s work. I don’t need time off. It’s just really busy and stressful at the moment.” You said, hoping that you sounded more convincing than before.

“What can I do to help?” Harry sighed, relieved that you were appearing to open up to him.

“Nothing Harry. Really. You already do so much for me.” You said, the first truthful thing you had really said since the beginning of this conversation.

“I love you and I want to help.” Harry sighed as he pulled you towards him to hug you properly.

You could feel the tears brimming behind your eyes as he held you. You savored the feeling of his warmth moving through you.

“I love you so much Harry.” Your voice cracked as you worked to hold back the tears.

Harry pulled back and looked at you. “Baby?”

“Seriously Harry. I love you so much. No matter what happens.” You sniffed back some of the tears.

“What do you mean? Nothing’s going to happen.” He said confidently before pulling you back to his chest.

Something was going to happen, you just needed the strength to do it.

\----

You woke up early on the Saturday morning by Harry whispering your name.

“Baby. Wake up.”

You groaned and rubbed your eyes. It was early, you had no idea what time it was but you knew it was early.

“Wass’ wrong?” You asked groggily.

Harry was kneeling by your side, already dressed and looking at you excitedly.

“Nothing. Come on time to get up.” Harry said standing up quickly.

“It’s too early.” You groaned again and stifling a yawn.

“Exactly. Come on baby it will be worth it.” He said his voice still filled with excitement.

“Okay. Okay.” You moaned as you slowly woke your self up.

“Clothes are laid out for you.” He said, practically jumping around the room with excitement. You nodded and stumbled to the bathroom to splash some cold water on your face in the hope that it would wake you up faster. You were finally dressed and Harry was bustling you out of the door into his car. The sun wasn’t even up yet and you were slightly grumpy at being woken up so early on your day off. Harry bounded over to the drivers side of the car and jumped in. He was far too excited for so early in the morning.

You didn’t realize that you’d fallen asleep until Harry was shaking you awake.

“Come on.” He said happily seeing your eyes open. You were, what looked like, at the top of a mountain. You kind of recognized it and the sun was starting to come up, helping to build your recognition. Yawning you exited the car. Harry had a backpack on and excitedly took your hand, leading you away from the car.

“What are we doing?” You asked tiredly as you let Harry lead you to wherever you were going.

“Something exciting.” Harry answered happily as you walked.

You continued to walk in silence as Harry led you and you tried not to yawn too much.

“Ok here.” Harry said stopping abruptly, causing you to walk into him.

“What now?” You asked sleepily as Harry pulled a picnic blanket out of his backpack and laid it out.

“Have a seat.” He said cheerily as you flopped unceremoniously on the blanket.

“Look out there.” Harry said pointing into the distance. You recognized where you were now, you could see the Hollywood sign in the distance as the sun started to rise over the hills. You looked out at the beautiful view waiting for Harry to join you. You could hear him doing something behind you but you were too enthralled by the sight to really pay much attention to him. It really was worth waking up so early to see this. The first few rays of sunlight started to peak over the mountain as the word ‘Hollywood’ started to cast as shadow. You sat in peace as you watched nature work around you. Some clouds floated above you slowly tinged pink by the early morning rays of sunlight. The scene was beautiful and Harry couldn’t have picked a better spot to watch it all unfold. Speaking of Harry, he hadn’t actually sat down next to you yet. You’d been so involved in the sunrise that he could have run away and you wouldn’t have noticed.

“Harry?” You asked starting to turn around.

“Don’t turn around.” He said sharply. “I’m right here.” His said his voice slightly softer.

“Is this the part where you kill me on the mountain?” You asked sarcastically, laughing.

“Yes. Stop talking. You’re making it hard to stab you.” Harry joked and you shook your head at him, watching the sunrise again.

“You’re missing the show.” You whined to him.

“I can see it.” Harry laughed as he continued to do whatever it was he was doing.

“I want to see it with you.” You complained.

“I’m right here.” Harry chastised you while laughing.

“Be right here next to me.” You teased, hearing him laugh in response.

“In a second.” He said quietly.

“Urrrrggghhh.” You groaned exaggerating the sound.

“Grumpy in the morning aren’t you.” He chuckled before you heard him, rather than see him, sit next to you.

“At last.” You rolled your eyes sarcastically before turning to look at him. The sun was almost completely free of the mountain now, casting a golden glow onto his face. It was cliché but you felt your heart stop for a second as he took your breath away. You were so completely in love with him, and you’d been putting off having the conversation about leaving him for weeks now. Each day it became harder as you were reminded what you would be leaving. Harry was holding a try of fruit in his hands, he was smiling so widely that his dimples were cut deeply into his cheeks.

“I love you.” He said simply, his eyes flicking down to the try he was holding trying to draw your gaze. The view that surrounded you both was soon forgotten as you looked at him, a view to be held in his own right

“I love you.” You repeated. It had been so long since you’d said it to him; you’d been trying to avoid saying it so that the break off wouldn’t be as painful. But now it came naturally, you couldn’t hold it back from him. Even if you had to leave him, at least he could know how you felt about him.

His eyes flicked down to the plate of fruit he was holding again and finally you looked down.

There it was. Spelled out with different kinds of cut up fruit.

“Marry Me?”

You looked back up at him startled, the blood draining from your face.

“What?” You asked, it was the only word you could get out.

“I love you.” He answered seriously. “Marry me.”

“Harry… Harry…” You didn’t know what to say.

His eyes that were so filled with excitement and joy started to fade.

“What’s wrong?”

You tried to think of an excuse. “We can’t. We… we’re too young.” You stuttered. Harry suddenly looked relieved.

“You’re parents don’t seem to think so.” He chuckled.

“You… you called my parents?” You stammered.

“I had to get their permission didn’t I?” Harry grinned. He put the plate down between you and took one your hands.

“Harry… we can’t. I can’t.” You corrected.

“Why not?” His smile faltered again as he watched you.

“Because… because…” You scrambled to find another reason why you couldn’t.

“I love you. You love me. I want to spend my life with you. We both know what we want. Why can’t we?” He asked, trying to cover the hurt that was in his voice.

“Because… because I can’t give you everything that you want.” You said finally defeated. Everything that he said was true, you did love him, except that you couldn’t give him what he wanted.

“What?” He smiled at you, sure that he was convincing you. “You are everything that I want.”

“No. I’m not Harry.” You shook your head as the tears that sat heavy on your chest rose to your eyes and started to spill over.

“You are!” He disagreed, not knowing what you were talking about.

“Kids, Harry.” You said finally.

“What about them? We don’t need to have them immediately. I know I talk about it a lot but that’s years down the track.” He said happily as if nothing was wrong.

“It doesn’t matter how many years down the track you think it is Harry. I can’t give you that.” You said simply, you were looking down at the plate that Harry had hand crafted for you.

“I thought you wanted kids?” Harry asked confused.

“I do.” You nodded, still not looking up at him.

“Then what’s the problem?” Harry asked shortly.

“I can’t give them to you Harry. I can’t have children.” Saying the words out loud, with their finality was what tipped your tears over the edge and you broke down. This was it; this was the moment that Harry realized that you couldn’t give him what he so desperately wanted. This was going to be the moment that your heart broke and everything that was good in your life ended.

“You… you can’t have children?” Harry’s voice was soft and careful.

You shook your head and slowly looked up at him. He looked like his heart was breaking and you could see tears forming in his eyes.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked, he was still holding your hand carefully and you savored the touch while you could.

“Because I don’t want it to be true. Because I don’t want to lose you and I knew that as soon as you knew… you wouldn’t look at me the same anymore.” You sniffed and wiped your eyes with your free hand.

“You… you think that I would leave you because you can’t have children?” Harry asked, his voice cracking with emotion.

“Why wouldn’t you? It’s everything that you’ve ever wanted and I can’t give it to you Harry.” You answered simply, as if it was common knowledge.

“Oh Baby. No.” Harry shook his head before using his free hand to tilt your head so that you were looking at him again. “I love you so much more than that.”

“What?” You sniffed back more tears as you looked at him.

“I love you so much more than that. That’s not a deal breaker for me.” He said softly.

“But you want kids.” You said simply.

“So do you.” He pointed out.

“But I don’t mind adopting.” You said shrugging your shoulders.

“And neither do I.” Harry said smiling at you and brushing some hair away from your eyes.

“What? You’ve never said that before.” You said startled.

“It’s never come up before.” He shrugged casually looking at you.

“I don’t want you to give up something that’s so big for me. I don’t want you to have to settle for me.” You said quietly. You were so convinced that he wouldn’t want to be with you after he found out.

“I told you. I love you so much more than that. Any time with you is a billion times better than being without you. I’m not settling with you. You give me everything that I want just by being you. I promise.” Harry said so sincerely you found it difficult to argue with him.

“Harry.” You said carefully, swallowing the lump in your throat. “I can’t take this away from you. You’ve talked about it since we were little.”

“Having a child with you, is all I’ve ever wanted.” Harry agreed and you felt your heart break a little bit. “But, no matter how we get that, as long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter to me.” Harry continued. “Having a child is more than giving birth. It’s the love that you and I have for each other, and for a child… that’s what I want. That’s all that I want.” Harry finished seriously. He somehow managed to say everything that you’d always thought about adoption. You’d thought about adopting a child with Harry but you had no idea what he thought about it. You’d never spoken about it.

“Is that really what you want?” You asked cautiously.

“You are what I really want. All of you. Everything about you is what I want.” Harry said earnestly.

“I love you.” You said quickly, the words blurred together as you were once again reminded what an incredible man Harry was.

“I love you.” He said emphasizing each word individually.

“Yes.” You said after a long silence between you as you both thought about what you’d just promised each other.

“What?” Harry asked sitting up a bit straighter and looking at you with unadulterated excitement in his eyes. The sun was well and truly risen and the Hollywood sign was casting long shadows.

“Yes.” You said confidentially, picking up the piece of melon in the shape of the M for the “Marry” part of the fruit platter.

“Really? Really truly yes?” Harry nearly shouted with adulation.

You nodded grinning at him as you took a bite out of the letter.

“I love you. I love you so much.” Harry said repeatedly, tears in his eyes.

“I love you.” You replied through a laugh.

“Hang on, I have a ring.” He said somewhat nervously, his hands shaking as he grabbed his backpack. He fumbled with the front zipper until he finally pulled it open and held a small black box in his hands. With trembling fingers he opened the box, a small diamond ring sitting in it’s velvet casing.

“We can go shopping for another one if you don’t like it.” He said nervously as your eyes widened at the simple and delicate piece of jewelry.

“Harry. It’s perfect.” You whispered.

Harry grinned as he took the ring out of the safety of its box.

“May I?” He asked as he picked up your left hand. You nodded happily, not trusting your voice and he carefully slid the ring onto your finger. It was a little too big and needed to be resized but aside from that it was perfect.

“I love you so much Harry.” You said as you both looked at the ring sitting comfortably on your finger.

“I love you.” Harry’s smile was so large it could split his face in half.

“Shall we head home?” Harry asked quietly. The fruit platter was long since finished, you both laughed uproariously as you ate the letters, and people were starting to come up the mountain to see the sign.

“Yes please Mr. Styles.” You said as he helped you up.

“Not at all Mrs. Styles.” He grinned as he said the words.

“Not quite yet.” You said kissing him deeply before walking back to the car, hand in hand with your fiancé.


End file.
